I still struggle to forgive my mother for what she put me through. From age 11, she constantly suspected me of having boyfriends, checked my phone daily, beat and insulted me. I got no apology, only “my mother did it to me too.” My phone is still always on silent because calls trigger me. She took me to church for “deliverance” because I became withdrawn, the pastor raped me and she made me promise not to tell my dad. Now I struggle with God and Christianity because so much of my trauma is tied to it. I’m happy my sisters didn’t experience this, but I still grieve the childhood I never had.