Phobia

Slowly as I’ve grown up and experienced love and relationship, I’ve come to develop a phobia for marriage. I’m literally scared of getting married. I’m only a 21year old lady though . I feel marriage is going to make me miserable. I have so many “what if’s”. It is even more weird that I’m currently in a relationship of over 4 years. I told my partner about this once and he wrote it off as a joke. I told my mum once that I might not get married and she started rebuking and praying against it lol (African mothers), but the truth is I’m scared. What if he stops loving me at some point, what if he falls for someone else, what if I’m no longer what he wants. What if? Maybe this is because my parent’s marriage is not the most loving lol. I don’t like the way my dad treats my mum, he scolds my mum at the slightest mistake, regardless of the place or amount of people there. He doesn’t seek her consent or advice in doing stuffs. He does whatever pleases him. I don’t want to be treated like that, that is going to make me miserable. Just few days ago, I heard him shouting at her at dawn ( abi ori eh daru ni?) asking her if she’s crazy. I was just crying on the praying mat that I was. I later went to her to console her because she had been crying too. She told me my dad doesn’t love her. I don’t want a marriage like that. I think I will do better on my own. I might turn down a proposal if I’m asked.

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