Makate

I’m tired of this life.

I post silly videos of myself everyday and I put some sickening caption with a goofy emoji and I think that sort of takes the deep away from my caption.

I haven’t spoken to my eldest brother in years because he used to molest me. I was molested a lot when I was younger. My dad best friend, another guy that I don’t even know how he’s related to us, our neighbor who my sister used to tell me to collect money from, then our neighbor son after my dad died. My brother actually saw my neighbor son one time and instead of him to take it on the guy, he beat me and told the whole family what he caught me doing. I mean my dad died years ago and I was just 14! My neighbor was like 23 then. They remained very good friends but of course nobody forgot what I was “caught” doing. and now my relationship with people is soo fucked up . I would just be in my room all day everyday. I prefer to walk at night when I get tired of laying down.

I have an extra year in school now and my boyfriend who’s supposed to be by me has been saying he can’t marry an illiterate. He knows I’m intelligent and I feel it’s because his dad just got a political appointment . Now he’s out of the country and I no longer have any one to talk to 🥺

I met a guy online and I told him about my suicidal thought. I told him the only thing stopping me is that I don’t want to scar whoever finds my body then he promised to help me. He said said I could lodge in an hotel and just take my life that it’d easier. And now I smile more and talk more because I know my day of release is here.

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