Anonymous

Hi Guys. I got talking to a lady around August, 2019 . We had known each other for about two years but we started talking last year, having boarded same bus down to Lagos. The conversation was healthy and then we went on a date few weeks later. I didn’t plan on falling in love, just wanted to go out with her because she was bored at home (it was an holiday and I had gone to my alma mater to collect a few documents for my masters abroad because I was serving at the time). The date went smoothly and after that day we talked like everyday until I realized I was falling in love with her (I have been single since 2017 and wasn’t planning on dating anyone at that time). After the date, her mum was waiting for her somewhere so they could go home together, so I was privileged to meet the mum that day. Fast forward to my birthday few weeks after the date, she came around and we celebrated and I got carried away and landed her a kiss, which came with an amazing feeling afterwards). After the kiss, we both seemed to be in love so much (she wasn’t in any relationship too). We met one more time before she left for school . Our communication was top notch, we spoke for hours everyday and we got so futuristic with the whole thing and my brothers and mum had already known about her. I completed my NYSC about a month after she left for school and then I traveled to the State that she schools to live with my brother who lives there too, pending the time I’d get a job.
I made a mistake of my life the day I got there, she came around and we went out to flex. When we left there, we went home and I urged her to stay behind since she wasn’t going anywhere the next day and she agreed. That night, one thing led to the other and we had sex, the worst I’ve had though (now I must state that I never planned the sex, she feels I did but I’m sure she’ll most likely come across this one day, I never planned it!). After that night, she started getting so cold towards me and she became distant. Started disrespecting and toying with my feelings.
She probably fell in love with some other persons, I really can’t say. It was after the whole issue she told me her last relationship was an abusive one and she couldn’t risk getting into another one anytime soon.
Note: I asked her out before she left for school and she declined saying I couldn’t handle her drama and all that.
I’m not much of a spiritual person but I’ve had strangers tell me about her (she’s my future wife, someone even gave me a name she bears that I got to know of later) . If she’s my wife, why does it have to be hard? Plus she isn’t really looking like someone that wants a future with me, not anymore.
Two days ago, I decided to let her go and trust me, it’s not the easy decision I’ve made . I miss her so much but I don’t want to talk to her, she treats me like trash and doesn’t even see me as anybody! The mum calls to ask if we are cool and I end up saying yes, we are cool while in the actual sense, we’re far from it! (The mum likes me already)

I don’t know what to do. I tried helping her heal from the trauma of her last relationship, and she became so toxic that I have something to heal from too, as it is.

6 comments

  1. I think she would come back… Allow her heal from whatsoever her last relationship has caused her. Trust me, she’s missing you too bro!

    1. I gave her the space already… I called her last week and we spoke and she told me she was about to call me as at when I called her. Fast forward to Monday, she started acting all off again. I had to just leave her alone. I hope she gets better

  2. I feel you really have to do all you can to convince her that you’re not abusive and you’ll never be abusive towards her . People like that need to earn your trust and feel safe around you. Talk to her mum and let her know the situation of things too .

    1. Thank you so much. I tried my best to make her believe I’m not that kind of person. I swear, she knows I’m not that kind of person honestly! She just kept getting worse by day

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