I just hope one day life will be easier for me, from struggling with abuse trauma for years, my parents divorce, carrying the weight of my family like I’m the first born, when she could care less, disappointment and rejection left right center, trying to break patterns and altars in my family it’s not easy mehn. The one person who really loved me, they’ve frustrated that one and taken that one again. Running from abuse in real life, still encountering sexual abuse in my dreams for over 20 years. Can’t date anyone because it’ll always end up as disappointment, see if you don’t understand family patterns or altars, it’s so crazy. I just hope one day, I’ll genuinely be happy without being anxious that it won’t last. Depression wan injure me, but i know I’ll get my spark back because my El-roi will always see me, he’ll not lead me this far to forget me. I may not see the wind or the rain but my valley will be filled with water. I’ll get my spark back one day I’m sure.