Cheating boyfriend

My boyfriend is a very bad manipulator, he cheats and whenever I find out, he makes me feel like I’m bugging. Most times at the end, I will be the one apologizing for reacting to his cheats, I feel so bad and deep down I want to cheat back but I love him a lot and I feel if I do this, we won’t work again. I’m a bad girl trust me, I just love this boy at this point and I’m trying to keep This relationship😪pls help me

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