Am not a happy person

I’m used to lying to myself and everybody around me that I am a happy person. Happy person I mean in all ramification relationship-wise money-wise health-wise and everything you call happiness but deep down inside of me I am not happy. Every morning before I wake up and at night before I go to sleep I always think about my life being in a relationship with a married man that has a child. god for Christ sake I love him so much.

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