I’m a beautiful 25 year old lady, i am a graduate. I have my own business started since I was 16 am grateful to God he has blessed my hands so much I could pay 3 staff and support my parents with my own little ways Am grateful. I have always wanted a simple and comfortable life , I have been the one looking out for my self financially I mean even to my relationship expenses.
I have been dating this guy for 3 years his a degree/master graduate. I love him so much which i am sure of and he has not really gotten a better job yet but he does business he has a car too and still searching for better job but one thing that’s scares me more now is we planning marriage this year by the grace of God I have been lying to everyone around me about how perfect this relationship is but I cry behind the close door cause there is no one I could open up to I don’t even think they will believe me you know? This man I call him mr Right cause at least he has been so constant in my life more than any other man has been I mean he has never give up on this relationship and I hope it’s not for selfish reasons.

When we started dating he was ok he pays for everything and the little I demand he provides during the pandemic things change and No works or money coming while on my side I was making sales madly online while sitting at home I decided to step in cause I feel since I could let me so he can fed and take care of his needs 
we were both at home so we needed to see I suggested he come over to my place Abuja Nigeria with the help of my friend I got an affordable luxury hotel we both stayed and all bills were paid by me! It’s kept on going and going till date 

I got to tired and I need break I told him I was not happy with the way things are going I just wished he could help sometimes he apologize and told me he has been thinking lately it will get better he said but things are still the same am getting more tired I need to be taking care of too and our sex became poor he dose not satisfy me anymore like before.
So I started playing dirty I started smoking weed and calling guys to fuck me and satisfied the crazy urge cause my mind is going crazy MR Right dose not support me financially or even give me orgasm it’s so funny my mind still want this man crazy right?
Things started getting worse cause I was getting pregnant for them and I have not for the 2 years I was Faitful to my man Non has lead to me getting pregnant for my Mr Right I hope his sprite forgives me cause I can’t tell him how I got pregnant for different guys while dating him God! Am so ashamed of myself I feel messed up I Now am praying for heeling I wish to stop smoking ,stop my dirty lifestyle i want to heal.I just want a man to love and support me no matter how little my biggest fear is If I marry my MR Right will he take care of me as a wife ? am so scared he might leave all the bills for meeeee!

Please I want to gain my confidence and pride back I need help.how do I fix this broken pen ?

Please hind my identity thank you I have also learnt alot from