I just made out with my friend. I love him so much as my friend and I just ruined it. He has a girlfriend. She hasn’t been bad to me. It’s not even the quarter of the first month yet and I just fucked things up for myself. I’m that girl. He really wanted to get down with someone else and I hate myself that I let myself in this mess. I really shouldn’t have smoked with him. I really should have just stayed home. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix this. I’m going to lose my friend and she is going to hate . I feel so much guilt. I think this is the side of me that doesn’t think anyone will really ever love me. I think I might have finally lost my mind. And it looks like I’ve got it together.