Confused Fine Girl

I dated my ex for four years, he was the best thing that happened to me. Was my best friend, my ride or die and I did care for him a lot. We’ve not had sex before, because I haven’t and I’m still like that and he never for once forced neither did he cheat, but my eye was always wandering. I was too flirty with other guys. Shared kisses with some. He found out (guilt made me confess) and still forgave me but I broke up with him recently to date someone I really have romantic feelings for(almost love). I didn’t love my ex as a boyfriend. But I cared for him deeply and I still do. He is the only person I can comfortably share a secret with. I can’t do that with my current boyfriend yet. I plan on returning all the monetary gifts he gave me. I feel so fucking guilty, but I swear i tried, but it’s better not to lead him on when I’m not sure of myself. My current boyfriend will graduate soon and I don’t do well with long distance. Still eyeing my ex sha, it’s better to marry someone who loves me than someone I love. My mum suffered on that basis, I don’t want to. I know I’m wickedness embodied. I’m only human.

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