Helpless

I have a feeling I won’t last long, the thought of committing suicide is now a everyday thing, I am tired. I feel so alone in this country, have a uncaring mother, uncaring friends who just lay their problems on me, act like they care but they don’t, I just want to be alone but I can’t, I have to interact with people at work school and so on. I really hate it, a lot of things are happening or have happened in the past but no one to talk to about it, siblings are back home, relationship between us are not like before again, same goes to friends back home. I am breaking apart and I know it, I am scared of death but the thought I can’t get out of my mind. Now I am also having nightmares to join the problem, had a nightmare yesterday, told my mom and her translation was totally rubbish that I just wished I had kept it to myself. I texted a so called friend maybe I can speak to her about it but she never replied, had to delete it later, cried in the bus today because I felt so helpless, what the fuck should I do? I don’t even have anybody, and I don’t want to die.

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