Depressed

Been in a relationship for quite some time now. It’s quite difficult and I don’t know how much I can hold on for because it’s really has been not great for some time now . I’m already getting to that level of depression stage, a month before my birthday we had this heated up argument that was hell for me, then on my birthday that made it worse for me and I haven’t gotten over it even when I try, i just try to make my appearance really great because I’m really scared of losing him. I’ve got true love and feelings for him, I can boldly say anywhere i haven’t wavered looking at other guys out there or had a crush on other guys even though our relationship isn’t rosy like it used to be. I really fear the day all will be gone between us because for me things from my side are gradually decreasing, i don’t see him like how i usually see him. If eventually the day comes we finally have a fall out, I can’t get into a relationship till I make sure I’ve achieve the goal I had before meeting him and that will take a really long time, not going to have sex till I get married because love can be exhausting most times. He’s the first I gave myself to and I’m not freaked about sex because my real drive is him. I’m sure he will move on and get a girl. Only if he knew how my heart is deteriorating, maybe it won’t be heated up as this. I’m quite fragile, just too fragile.

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