Everyday is a struggle to not roll over and end my life. I’m very young but I feel so drained and old already. Like I’ve seen enough of life. I try to keep my head up and stay focused but it seems my case is just different. I’ve opened up to my family but they’re not taking this crisis seriously because I’m a very jovial and carefree person. I feel pressure from everywhere to succeed. I wake up and smile but I’m dying inside. I can’t even be around people anymore. I wish I could wake in earnest and not worry about failure. I wish I could wake up and feel like I’m worth it that I’m good enough to compete on whatever level I choose. I wish I was better equipped for the battles I fight on a daily basis. I wish I knew what love was. I wish I were a better man.
I wish I was strong enough to let her in and share with her with everyone who’s tried to show me love. I wish I wasn’t so two faced. I wish I didn’t have to live this double life. I wish I was man enough to admit that I’d failed to protect what was close to my heart. I wish I never tried to save that hoe. I wish I understood that she was there for me and just me. I wish I knew and did better. I wish I was a better me.