Open relationship drama

I’m in an open relationship with my partner of 6 years. Just to impress some girl he met and fell in love with, he demeaned me to the girl. Made me out to be someone that is uncaring, unkind and rather foolish. The words were hurtful, I found out somehow, confronted him and he apologised. Said it was just him playing victim to win her empathy and love. We’ve had a rough patch (pretty normal in relationships, I daresay) and we’ve been trying to work through it. Matter of fact, this side piece was supposed to become one of us. He’s tried to get us to be friends but my instincts sensed something was off and that she was intimated by me, not anymore. She shares a bond with him, he used his words to destroy us and build what he had with her. He always says like no one comes close to me. Well, we all know better now. I can’t understand why he couldn’t find a different way to show her love without dragging me in the process.
I’ve never put him down to any of my sidepieces, I put him on a pedestal they can’t reach and they respect this boundary.
No matter who we date and no matter how much we like them, no 3rd party takes precedence. He broke this unspoken rule and now I feel so broken. You would think an open relationship would be easier but no. Still rife with monogamous type drama. Sigh! I’ve never cried as much in my life as in the last 24 hours. I cry while driving, at the gym, at the salon, at the cinema, at home. I cry as if I lost someone, this has never happened to me.
I love him to death. I wish I didn’t If I didn’t, this would be so much easier to handle. I’m not mad. I’m not angry. I don’t hate him. I’m just empty and in pain. I feel the tears are my mind’s way of getting rid of the pain.
I can’t even talk to anyone about this. I’ll only get judgement for being in an open relationship to begin with. Maybe I’ll find a foreign, or if I’m lucky, local therapist who’s open and objective. I have asked God to take away this pain and heal this brokennes.
I still hope we can work things out and get back to how we used to be. Call me crazy. Love has made me do the things I swore I would never do.
Love has made me learn to forgive. Love just hasn’t taught me how to deal with numbing pain and emptiness. First time for everything, I guess.

One comment

  1. You are dealing with grief. Open communication with your boyfriend and a therapist will be good. Plurious relationship can be hard to navigate. You should check Red Table the episode on pluious relationship.

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