I was sexually assaulted as a child. I grew up hating sex, but in my 5th year in school I met a crazy guy. He made me love and derive maximum pleasure in sex, orgasms and all. The thing is that after him, it seems as if I had a return to factory settings button. I haven’t enjoyed sex with anyone, I try not to whore around looking for the right person to give me the same feeling. I know I love sex, it’s s magical, sex is super super wonderful. But I can’t even have sex with the person I claim I love, the only two times we tried it I felt violated and he was super nice to me.
I am confused, I ask myself questions like why can’t I feel free to have sex? Why do I get like a brain freeze when I want to have sex? Why am I not free with my body? Is it because of my childhood experience? Do I need to see a sex therapist?

But deep down i know that I love sex so much