MYSELF

I joined my JUPEB program in February and before going, I was someone whose head has been messed up by some stupid thoughts caused by loneliness and boredom . I was literally alone for 7 months before going for the program, was like a loner in my own world . My old friends ditched me so I was so eager to meet new friends to replace them all with. When I joined the program, I met new friends . I happen to be a type that’s not friendly anymore, a lot changed me in those 7 months of loneliness.
My plan was to greet them all with a smiley face the first day at school intrusively and get to know them like friends but it’s easier said than done. My first time there, I couldn’t even bring myself to greet one person . I’m a shy type so when I pass through people and I feel like they are looking at me and I don’t wanna greet them, I get shy so I keep a straight face that looks like I’m frowning . I get used to people thinking that I always frown which isn’t intentional. I tried my best to be as nice as I could be to those one that talk to me but I don’t talk to them first , not like being proud but shy . I hate being misunderstood because the guys might think I’ve taken a liken to them but I roll with the girls though because most of us live in the hostel. I was too nice during those times in nice way of my own comfort zone like when they do things that annoys me, I pretend like it’s fine since I’m new besides I’m just making friends that I used to think I need especially when the girls in my hostel bombard my personal space disturbing me .
During this corona break, I realized I’ve not being myself at all to those friends maybe not entirely but I’ve been caring overly for them like things I’d turn blind eye to before . I started taking note of it because of them e.g wanting them to like me . I’ve been doing things I don’t wanna do sometimes like trying to be as nice as poissble, pretending not be angry when taking with the guys and so on. I feel like that’s not me though it’s normal for me care for them as friends but not when I’m not comfortable with it or when it’s outta my confort zone. So when school resumes, I decided to be myself, I won’t care when my spirit doesn’t want me to, I won’t chat them up if I don’t feel like just to be close, I won’t take shit anymore and pretend not to be angry so they won’t hate me, I won’t post their pictures as wcw on Wednesday when I don’t feel like . Been doing some of these lately but I’ve decided to be myself as from now on and no more Mrs too nice Bitch! I hope I stay true to this change though and I hope they don’t get too surprised either or notice because it’s not like I’m going to become bad but MYSELF that barely cares about people and their stuff . I’m tired of pretending to be too nice. I think I still need advice because I don’t know if I’ve made a good choice .

One comment

  1. Being nice needs to come from a genuine place inside of you. You do it because it comes naturally. With that being said, it’s okay for us to pick and choose who deserves our niceness.

    I learned, from therapy, not to worry about what others think of me. What matters is what I think about myself. No one knows me like me, so I stopped concerning myself with what others think of me because I was usually wrong about what they were thinking. I let my fear get the best of me.

    Choosing to be yourself is the best thing you can do. Others with the same energy will be drawn to you and being nice plus being you will help you do this. It’s okay to get angry many nice people do. Real friends will look pass that. Whatever energy you put out into this world will come back to you. Make it positive. Sending light n love. 😊💜🌷

    Liked by 2 people

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