I spoke about A, this is the ending which I hope it is . Like a fool even after everything that transpired, I was hoping it wouldn’t matter if we ended up married . How naive of me, he sent a message that he will speak with his mom about us marrying . I am only grateful I didn’t expect positive response, the rejection might have being my undoing and later he told me she wasn’t agreeable , he needed time because everything was unraveling . I gave him space, I had my pride . I’ll never force my company on anyone . I moved on as best as I could . I read for exams and I knew it wasn’t my best because my mind was all over, but it’s Masters . I hope I don’t fail , sometimes the tears came in the morning sometimes in the night . I blamed myself, I loathed the decision I made . I thought of what is and what’s not, it was spiraling out of control . I thought of ending it all but then I remember mom trying with all of her might . I held on with the last strength, until a call came in . It was A asking for advice because he got a girl pregnant during the period he told me to hold on until he sorted things out . I gave the best advice I could . Listen to your mom marry her, I told him . I laughed then I cried, I locked my doors so no one could console me . It seemed the depression I have been dealing with was a midget as compared to the one that felt like I was being buried alive . I cry not because I wanted to get married to him, I cried because I had incurred another loss . I only wanted a win, just one win . When would I win my soul clamored . But really I feel like my heart can’t commit , no one will ever mean a lot yet part of me still yearns for a forever kind of love . Those which histories are made of . If only .