☺️☺️I just saw the comments and I think it would be easier talking to total strangers because I tried talking to my mum and she attributed it to laziness,the only other person who gets me now has a family and I can’t impose.you see im trying really hard to strive.but I have no friends,I’ve always lived my life in the shadow if my parents.u see it’s not easy to live up to their achievements.my dad is really known in his field for his brains and ability to figure out complex stuff,my mum though she’s a stay at home mum but she’s really smart, my elder brother is a really successful freelance writer.everyone knows what they want to do,then there’s me,confused as someone who’s just learnt shorthand symbols for the first time.im not lazy,at least I’m mentally productive, ive always convinced myself that I’m strong and that I’ve got what it takes but at moments when I need the conviction i end up feeling empty,emotionless, broken,that I’ll never be good enough,that I’ll always be the nth best.ive felt suicidal so many times, but somehow something always keeps me going,I think it’s the fear of spending eternity in hell.does it ever get better??can someone help me please?

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