I don’t know how to do it but I really can’t live anymore. I’m so tired. I thought I conquered these suicidal thoughts. What is the point if after 7years I am still haunted by this sadness. I’ve pushed everyone away again. I go weeks on weeks without talking to anyone, called off my engagement just to lock myself indoors to chant “I hate myself” and I’ve tried everything, I’ve channeled this pain into art and it only ends with strangers calling me a genius. Being seen changes nothing. I can’t do this anymore, there has to be somewhere peaceful in all of this, even if my hearts stops beating, I will find it. I just pray my family understands that I didn’t leave this world because they didn’t love me enough but those rapist didn’t just steal something from me, they planted a hole seven years can’t fill.