I’ve been through so much in relationships, traumatized, cursed, verbally abused. I lost myself, I lost my spark, now I just want to sit quietly at home and sleep all day, I don’t wanna be seen around people. I recently met a guy we have been talking for 4months now, I have been telling him I don’t want a relationship but he didn’t let me go. We met and talked, he told me he would do anything to make me happy, he will love me, care for me and I really do like him too but the fear of being used. I don’t want sex, I don’t want to be in a relationship that would end after some time, I am tired already. I made a promise to myself that I want to take care of my mental health this year, no love, no man just me alone. I want to build myself financially and emotionally. I have given up on love that I never wish to get married, I don’t even pray about it. Then I met this guy when I wasn’t looking for love, he already wants me but right now, I told him I also want love and care but the timing is wrong, right now I had to choose myself. I felt guilty because he gave me comfort, I like him a lot, I could see his image in my mind. I miss him but I just stepped back and he is not the only guy I have pushed away, since 2023 I have been pushing everyone away. I wish I could just hug him again but I can’t. When I look back I see that love made me look like a mad person, all alone, shattered, I almost killed myself but a strong girl doesn’t back down on herself. I know love wouldn’t stop me from finding myself or focusing on my career but what i have been through made me run away I am just not lucky when it comes to love and friends, i don’t have any support. Did I do the wrong thing by self sabotaging this bond