Am I a bad daughter/sister

Two of my siblings are sicklers and my last born who is 13 has been having frequent priapism which lasts between 2hours & 8 but we don’t have money to treat it. I lost my job since last year and I’ve been broke. Recently, he had another one and he was in so much pain that I begged God to take him so he’d be free because I couldn’t help and it was just my dad and I with him. I went home to be with him through the worse incase he died since I couldn’t help and didn’t want my dad to be alone. I’m tired

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