I told you I’m not going anywhere and I meant that, I’m happy here with you, if you say you’re gonna change then change while I watch but if you’re waiting for my consent for you to change I won’t give it because then you’d only be changing to please me, I want you to change because you recognize the errors of your ways and you’ve accepted that you are a person that needs a lot of work, if you can do that then and only then can you truly change but it won’t be with my consent, it’ll be because you wanted it badly. Me I’m a passenger in this relationship as it is, where ever you steer it towards I’ll simply follow the tide till you decide you want a new passenger then I’ll get off at my bus stop and make way for my replacement, if you really mean it that you’ve finally understood the value of what you have then fight for it, just like everything I ever did and said to myself to hold on to you when I was good to you now it’s your turn to do everything possible to hold on to me, if you find me worth it. I’d advise you spend less time apologizing to me because you’ve offered way too many apologies and promises that I don’t even know which ones were ever real, yes I say this because apology without changed behavior is deceit and manipulation. If you truly wish to change then change because you want to and because you believe you can be a good person not because I asked you to, your issues are deep rooted so deep that only you can reach, the salvation of your soul lies in the palms of your own hands. I know this because so many times I’ve tried reaching as far and as deep as possible to pull you from this dark abyss that you put yourself out of fear of being alone but clearly you want to stay there, you feel safe and untouchable there, you feel when you don’t love just one person then no one person can hurt you and for the most part that’s true but one thing that will never change is you will never truly have your own person, and no one will ever truly have you as their own person. So In a sense you’ll still be alone even with that many number of guys you’ve shared yourself with, you’ll still feel eternally alone no matter how many new guys you add or what they’re doing for you, you’ll always know you don’t truly belong to these people and they too don’t truly belong to you, seems like this is the kind of love/relationships you lot are used to in this Lagos, when you know someone is cheating on you and you’re cheating back y’all believe that’s all being fair in the world, so y’all just don’t talk about it and date yourselves with such reality. Such dark twisted mentality can never produce true happiness. I long for true happiness for myself and I set myself up so only one person has power to hurt me and you did over and over there’s no pain left, all I do is smile now because I’m expecting the next thing coming like clockwork. Let me conclude with this If you truly wish to change I’ll know.