I feel really dirty, I had to do something that goes against all I am and I’m so full of regret. It wasn’t worth it at all but I needed the money so bad, now I have flashes of it. It’s troubling my head, I try to ignore it but it won’t stop. I cried my eyes out today, I’m so so sad life’s really hard on me in particular. It’s just not fair, the fact that I might have to do it again is just so scary. I already have ptsd and I suffer from depression, I went mute since December just started interacting with people July. I’m scared of shutting down again