I am totally drained, i feel like I’ve messed up so bad there’s no form of redemption. I am 34 running a POS and mint exchange business that isn’t mine, not being paid because I stay in the guy’s house (the person that actually owns the business and he’s my kid brother’s friend). I can’t help but think I have failed in life, a supposed graduate without a certificate, there are family bills I can’t help out with because I don’t have. My younger brother is into drugs and is always angry, we can’t help him with money because he was actually there for us (his siblings) when he had, truthfully, we have been assisting him in the little way we can. It hurts I can’t really be there for him now (not because I don’t want to, but I don’t have. I’m neck deep in debt already) decided to stay off relationships as I felt I couldn’t maintain one, met someone recently. I like her a lot but it’s obvious I’ll probably be second to numerous others. I can’t help but think that if I had taken my life more seriously when I was much younger, things would have been different, exiting this world somehow seems to be the only option. I can’t seem to understand why God allows somethings to happen.
I am tired of taking 1 step forward and seem to take 20 back life as I see it right now is so messed up. I don’t seem to have the strength to keep fighting anymore because I am totally exhausted.