My first time doing anything of this nature sending out a message.

I have been with these empty feelings for a long time. I don’t know what exactly it is because I can afford my 3 square meals at any average good restaurant I want, I like few years back when taking table/bottled water seems like a very big luxury.

But then I feel kinda stagnant because for the best 2-3 years it’s been like I have been in same state without much evolving like I wished for.

What hurts me most is not able to come through for family, relatives and friends like I used to and I’m sure some of them feel like I have gotten kinda selfish. It breaks my heart.

I wish I had a good job as even my business can only tend to take care of my bills and myself. Then I see some people engaged in this online scam of a thing living lavish to their satisfaction while it seems I’m just putting in all this efforts to remain at same level I feel I have being for the past 3 years.

Mind you, I’m the first son/born so I just feel the need to have my younger ones and family be able to look up to me confidently.

Thanks.