I’m in a relationship with a guy that literally doesn’t care about a lot of things, the relationship is almost a year and it’s a distance relationship. He’s a really cool, calm and good guy, he loves me a lot and he’s intentional about us, he’s serious about me, we’ve been working on future plans. I met his families but he haven’t met mine cos I’m considering somethings before taking that step, the issue is the guy is in his late twenties, while I’m in my midtwenties. I feel like he just wants a wife figure or a baby factory, I don’t feel loved enough in the relationship, he doesn’t have time for relationship thingy or whatever, he’s so controlling and always wants things done in his own way, he doesn’t care about how you feel. If I haven’t built my self esteem enough, I would have lost my self-esteem in here especially when he’s agree he says things, he sometimes compares me with other women he’s been with in the past, he’s a just a weird guy, he doesn’t like a whole lot of things, he doesn’t really like phone calls, he doesn’t like texts, but he prefers chat all day, though he doesn’t form BUSY FOR ME (though he his) he’s a really boring guy, like he doesn’t like a lot of things a normal person should like, doesn’t use a lot of social media platforms. My problem is, he doesn’t really care like that about me, he prolly just want the relationship since his past relationship have been failing, he just wants a good woman to settle with, doesn’t mind my looks. Even when I need someone to talk to, he doesn’t have the right word just it is well or you’ll be fine, he doesn’t even try to be there, we’re just doing our thing, like 2 different personalities trying to fit in. In the relationship we haven’t been on a single date, nor gave me gifts, he said he’s not good at all these things, all he has to offer is love and commitment and doing his responsibility (he’s capable I mean well to do), he doesn’t even use affirmative words, he doesn’t even initiate the romance in the relationship, I do. Even the gifting, i feel like when I gift him and love him properly, he’ll return the energy, but no, he’s not changing or reciprocating, though when we have issues and I complain he’ll promise to change. I realized I’m loosing myself, whenever I complain he sees me like I’m trying to change him or asking for so much, like he sees himself as someone to be earned, saying he has been with countless ladies,, they don’t complain. Last time he said “I feel like I’m doing him a favor” , few days ago, I complained about him and about not been happy in the relationship I told him I need space to discover myself and he asked me immediately if he should find another lady, or it’ll lead to a breakup because he can’t keep waiting and I told him he can. It’s been 5 days now, I do love him alot and I miss him, a part of me wants us to work out but he just wants me to do all the relationship works in here, he’s not ready to adjust, he has this ego I can’t explain and sincerely I’m tired and broken. I feel I should let him go and move on, though it hurts, or you think he’ll change? If you think he will, what do you think I should do to make him change ? Please help me, at this point I’m confused


  1. People very rarely change, and if they do? It’s cos they’ve decided to change and not because of something you did or didn’t do. I really don’t want to advocate for a separation, but are you happy? That’s all that matters, if you’re not happy with him what are you trying to salvage? What do you think life would be like with him in the long run?

  2. It’s how you’re confused for me ..which one is he loves you yet treats you LIKE PIECE OF SHIT ,you keep questioning your self here and there and you’re saying he loves you,Abeg naw ,all the RES FLAGS ARE THERE like CARDINAL SIGNS and you’re still shouting love ,is that how blinded you women get in relationship???I understand you might love him but he doesn’t love you!!a man that’s not intentional about his relationship shouldn’t even be in one in the first place ..take your remaining self esteem and walk away !!take what’s left of you and build the courage to tell him you’re leaving !!it’s not that deep!the moment you move on and heal ,the better for you cause you’d be opening new doors to more sensible persons for you..i w

  3. See, he might love you. But love is never enough for a relationship. You have to be intentional about somethings and that’s what he’s failing at. Now the question is if you can tolerate it or not. If it’s sth that can be ignored then you can soldier on. But you said its broken you. I suggest you leave. It’s hard and difficult but it’s what’s good for you. Treat yourself like someone you’re responsible for, cuz you are. He’s not going to change for you. He will only change when he’s ready. Just leave madam. You’ll survive.

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