My first relationship was abusive and got me into a very bad place, my whole life was a failure. I decided to leave one day and restarted my life painstakingly and I managed to build a new life for myself. The thing is I have a fairly good life now. I am doing very well for someone of my age, people want to be me. The problem there is I don’t feel good as people think I am, I am sad and I feel like a failure. Sometimes i think about my first relationship and think about what happened if I had stayed, I don’t feel free. I think all that is happy and good about me has been lost since I left it, I am unhappy. My current partner doesn’t make me happy and anytime I want to open up the part of myself I need him to see he snaps at me. I want to be seen, I want someone to please see me. I feel lifeless all the time, I can’t live like this.